


New Wings

by TaoAndThen



Series: Reader Inserts: Round One [1]
Category: Fire Emblem: Kakusei | Fire Emblem: Awakening
Genre: Body Dysphoria, F/M, FTM, Gender Dysphoria, Gender Identity, Implied Relationships, Reader-Insert, Transgender
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-26
Updated: 2014-05-26
Packaged: 2018-01-26 15:54:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,223
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1694003
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TaoAndThen/pseuds/TaoAndThen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>For as long as you can remember you've cursed Naga for forcing you into the world in the wrong body.  You have no way of changing it save for your appearance, but that alone isn't enough to affirm who you really are.  Perhaps Cordelia, armed with scissors and comforting words, can help with that.</p>
            </blockquote>





	New Wings

**Author's Note:**

> This was kinda challenging to write seeing as the game takes place in a completely different universe with no established gender binary or anything like that. I did the best I could to construct one to create an FTM reader. It's completely reliant on appearance and anatomy insofar; there's no distinction between sex or gender here so I had to try and create one. Hopefully it didn't turn out shitty; the last thing I wanna do is insult or piss off my fellow trans* folk :(
> 
> EDIT (5/21/17)- I have received comments from trans readers and would like to state that this is not meant to represent the experiences of all trans people. Dysphoria manifests in various ways, and this is a very VERY generalized portrayal of what it can be, not what it is. It follows how dysphoria is commonly presented in media, which in many ways can be problematic, so do not consider this to be educational material on what it means to be transgender. Please, meet trans people. Talk to them, but remember they're not obligated to educate you. Read. Watch documentaries (after making sure they're credible in both sources and material offered). Thank you.

Key-

(f/n)- female name (chosen, birth name, up to you!)

(p/n)- preferred name (masculine, gender neutral, up to you!)

(pgp)- Preferred Gender Pronoun

 

You couldn’t wait any longer. Once nightfall hit you had to do it. It was time for a much needed change, starting with your hair. Many a times you had received compliments on how beautiful it looked, whipping behind you in the wind as you rode your trusty steed and beloved Pegasus but this only reinforced your dysphoria. What’s worse, you feared that you would have to leave the Pegasus Knight order as it was strictly female. But if you had to choose between the knights and feeling true to yourself no thought needed to be put into the decision.

The ever perceptive Robin caught on very quickly when he noticed that your chest seemed flatter without your armor on and saw you quickly run into a clothing shop for men in the last town you had passed through. When he confronted you, you insisted it was to replace the clothes Donnel had muddied and shredded when trying to help the local farmers catch a runaway pig, but you were never a talented liar. You feared the worst but those fears were quickly put to rest when he offered you a warm smile and said that if you needed male clothing he had some to spare and would be more than happy to give them to you. Robin tried hard to avoid a certain set of ever-perceptive eyes finding he had fewer clothes to clean and patch but it wasn’t long before his wife Cherche noticed the dwindling number and she quickly put the pieces together; fortunately she was just as open-minded and accepting as her husband. In hindsight it came as little surprise considering she spent most of her time in the company of a wyvern. Her understanding of the many dimensions of the human condition was in a context derived from (and sometimes limited by) everything she had encountered through interaction; if you asserted that you were born into the wrong body who was she to argue?

“No spikes like Lon’qu and Vaike…Not as short as Gregor…Libra is most certainly out of the question…Henry’s should be easy enough.” You propped a small mirror up next to your lantern and took the scissors to your hair, hands shaky. Come morning everyone would see your new appearance and you hadn’t thought up a cover as to why you made the change. You wanted to model your look after Kjelle or slightly shorter than Miriel? You sighed and dropped your arms into your folded lap. Calling your bluff took little effort, something you learned the hard way when you tried your hand at playing cards with Gregor. They were your dearest and closest friends and you tried to convince yourself that, because of that fact, they would accept you and the true reason for your altered appearance. That they would call you (p/n) instead of (f/n) and refer to you using (pgp) instead of feminine pronouns. But you had no way of knowing for certain.

The most frustrating of all was Cordelia. Ever since you first met her as a fellow Pegasus Knight you were smitten. She was hard-working, dedicated, driven, compassionate, and above all the most loyal person you knew. It was no secret that she was madly in love with Chrom; only the love-struck lord who was as equally madly in love with his wife Sumia hadn’t noticed Cordelia’s affections. She was just as oblivious to your own feelings but you didn’t expect her to notice. Despite who you truly were, (p/n), she saw you the same way the rest of the world did- as (f/n), as a woman. Though such relations weren’t frowned upon in Ylisse they were uncommon and so many remained either celibate as they couldn’t find a partner, with so many being closeted, or passed themselves off as heterosexual.  You didn't know the extent of her sexual and romantic attractions but that was inconsequential.  Even if Cordelia was attracted to women she would only be attracted to you in body alone.

“(f/n)? Are you still awake? I see your lantern is on.”

You jumped, a hand over your heart. That last person you wanted to speak to at the current was implicitly requesting permission to enter your tent. You bit your lip, apprehensive to grant entry but knew denying it would arouse suspicion of some type or another. “Yes, I am,” you called over your shoulder as you tucked the mirror and scissors under your pillow. “Did you need something?”

“I just wanted to make sure you were alright. It’s quite late, after all. You should be resting right now.”

“I’m fine. But thank you for asking.”

“Are you now?” Cordelia asked doubtfully. You could almost hear her raise an eyebrow. “May I come in?”

 _She won’t let up until I can put her concerns to rest. Damn it._ “Sure.” You turned around to face her as she entered your tent and sat cross-legged before you. “But shouldn’t you still be outside patrolling?”

“It’s a large camp, yes. The patrol schedule assigned Frederick and I together tonight but I’m quite confident he could fare well enough on his own. After all, it is…”

“Frederick?” you finished with a slight grin and she mimicked your facial expression.

“Exactly.”

“Why are you still awake (f/n)? Is something troubling you?” she asked with noticeable concern. “You know I’m always here for you. We are the last of the Pegasus Knights, after all. We need to stick together.”

“That’s the problem,” you grumbled and mentally kicked yourself, forgetting to filter your diction. She gave you a curious glance, urging you to continue. “What I mean to say is…we are the last. That’s what troubling me.” _It’s not entirely false. The fact that Cordelia is the only other Pegasus Knight is problematic since it forces us to work together and train Sumia in aerial combat.  
_

“Yes, it is tragic,” she sighed funereally. “But it’s all the more reason for us to remain strong and preserve the legacy and integrity of the order, isn’t it?”

“It’s hard to argue with that. However…” You swallowed heavily. “I don’t think I can stay.”

“Why not?” Her brow with slightly knit in curiosity and concern.

You took a deep breath and clenched your fists. “Give me a moment,” you muttered, trying to muster up the courage to tell her. It was uncomfortably silent but Cordelia waited patiently. _Now or never. I just have to say it._ “Because only women can join.” You bit your lip as a growing pressure built behind your eyes.

Her brow knit deeper and she blinked a few times, trying to decode your words. “I’m afraid I don’t understand.”

“Neither do I, to be completely honest with you. But…What would say if I told you that I was born into the wrong body?” you asked quietly.

“Are you referring to your appearance?”

“No. Yes. Sort of. I don’t mean my appearance so much as…my appearance as a woman.”

She gave a single slow nod. “You…You wish to be a man. Is that what you mean?”

“No, I am a man!” you argued, carefully monitoring your volume. “A man trapped in a woman’s body. And there’s nothing I can do to change that except…cut my hair or wear male clothing.” You pushed your pillow aside to show her the mirror and scissors. “I…I was about to cut my hair before you came in…I…” It wasn’t until you saw dark circles on the fabric of your clothing that you realized you were crying. You made two fists and curiously rubbed your eyes.

“Have you spoken to anyone else about this?” she asked softly. The fact that she didn’t seem startled was startling to you.

“Robin caught me buying mens clothing. He began lending me some of his own and Cherche noticed. They’re the only ones who know and nothing has changed between us. As far as I can tell at least.”

“And you fear the others will judge you.”

“Of course I do! How couldn’t I? It sounds so, so outlandish, like slapping Naga herself in the face for trying to change the body she gave me!”

“Forgive me for what I’m about to say, as I’m going to channel Libra.” She knelt down before you. “I firmly believe that Naga makes us all the way we are for a reason. Look at Sumia! She can hardly take five steps without tripping over something. And Olivia, as beautiful and talented as she is, is terrified of sharing her gift with others. Perhaps the same can be said for the body you were born with even though it doesn’t…suit you, on the inside? Is that correct?”

You nodded slowly. “Something like that.”

“You’ve always been a rather creative individual. Maybe the reason you have the body that you do is to change it to your liking, to a form and appearance that feels more comfortable. Just as an artist takes an empty canvas or an author a blank page, you were given a body to mold. I know you can’t change, um, everything.” She glanced downwards, cheeks tinted pink with embarrassment. “You know, the things that people believe to make someone, um, ‘a man’. And I’m sure that is very hard for you to cope with on a day-to-day basis, not being able to make… _that_ change.” She brushed back your hair, fashioning it to appear shorter and studied you carefully. “But if you know that, deep down on the inside you are a man, who are we to say otherwise? How can anyone else say otherwise? No one else can feel what you feel or believe what you believe. And if you feel this is not the body you should have then you have every right to say so. You have every right to be you. You don’t need to hide who you really are. And besides…” She smiled and let go of your hair. “You look rather handsome like that. Here. Give me those.” She extended a palm and you handed her the scissors. “Now turn around and hold up the mirror.”

 _This is a dream. This HAS to be a dream._ Half-convinced that you were hallucinating or daydreaming you did as she instructed, moving slowly until your back was towards her. You held up the mirror so the both of you had a perfect glimpse of your appearance.

“What sort of style were you hoping for?”

“Something like Henry or Chrom. Not too short, no spikes.”

“Alright (f/n)-” She stopped. “I’m sorry. Is there another name you wish to go by?”

“Yeah, (p/n).”

“(p/n)? It suits you,” she complimented and began snipping away carefully at your locks.

“Thank you Cordelia. You can’t even begin to understand how much I appreciate you doing this and being so understanding…even if it is something hard to understand. But you tried to, and that’s more than I can say for Robin and Cherche. Even I don’t understand it.”

“Think little of it.” She shook her head. “For as long as I have know you, you have always been a loyal and reliable knight…and friend.” You noticed a light pink dust over her cheeks as she continued cutting. “I could never reject you or judge you. You have always been there for me. How could I not return the favor? Regardless of the circumstances. That’s not to say this is out of obligation, of course. I just…” She paused momentarily both speaking and cutting. “I just want you to be happy, starting with who you are.”

“I’m trying.”

“And I’ll help. You have my word, as both a friend and a fellow knight.”

“Cordelia, the Pegasus Knights-”

“Who you are is the reason you were able to become a knight. Your physical form or appearance should make no difference. You will always be a knight. After everything we have been through, after everything you have done you can’t be denied that. When this is over and Grima has been slain you and I, the last knights, are going to resurrect the order. And we’ll start by removing that ridiculous rule that it is exclusive to women.” She finished cutting your and rested her palms on her knees. “What do you think (p/n)?”

“It’s perfect,” you breathed, still in disbelief that this was happening.

“Good. I’m glad. I’m sorry that this is all I can do for you. I wish there were a way to give you the body you long for but seeing as our only options for that are turning to Henry, Tharja, or Miriel…I don’t know if that’s a risk worth taking.”

“I agree,” you chuckled, brushing the snippets of hair off of your bedding.

Cordelia gasped. “It looks like I’ve channeled Sumia tonight as well. I’ve made a mess of your tent. I’m sorry (p/n). If you’d like you can spend the night with me. I mean in mine. In my tent,” she quickly corrected as she handed you the scissors. You set it aside on your pillow along with the mirror.

“I’d like that.”


End file.
